My First Confession of Love

I was in love–actually what people call puppy dog love–and it was unrequited. I went past my shyness and told her exactly what she meant to me, but that wasn’t enough. Actually, there’s more to this story. Let me start from the beginning.

The first day of the new school year began with Algebra II my tenth grade year. The teacher wanted to assign us seats for us on where to sit. I was a little advanced with mathematics, so I was taking classes one year ahead of time. This young woman, whom I actually met for a few moments a couple months beforehand, was assigned to sit in the back row. For whatever reason, I wasn’t on the roster, so I was last to be seated. The seats were full, so the teacher assigned me to the back row, next to the young woman.

This girl, with her long golden hair, green eyes, and pouty lips quickly grabbed my attention over the following hour. I couldn’t stop looking out of the corner of my eyes to grab a glimpse of her beauty.

Like most school-year children, I became friends with whom I sat next to. We talked before and after class–and sometimes during. I don’t exactly remember why, but the girl started to write me notes. I think it was because she was too bored during class.

Anyhow, we began exchanging notes. My high school used a “block schedule” where our classes would change depending upon the day, so that would leave one day in between to write a letter in return.

Side note: We actually had another class together, Spanish. We sat next to each other there too and talked, but we did not pass notes there. It was an Algebra II only thing.

After a while, I became extremely infatuated with her. I couldn’t wait for Algebra II. Sadly, the young woman was absent quite often (I later learned it was because of her mother being incredibly sick and died shortly after the young woman’s graduation. She wouldn’t tell anyone about what was happening. Her mother was fighting cancer for a long-time.).

For whatever reason, I fell in love. She made me smile every time I saw her. She made me laugh. She was the reason I looked forward to school.

I began confessing my love for her little by little through our notes. I would tell her how much she meant to me, that I looked forward to our days in school together, and how beautiful she was. I asked her to be my girlfriend multiple times, with always a “you are a good friend” as a return answer.

The following year, her senior year and my junior year, we had Pre-Calculus/Trigonometry together. We still exchanged notes. As time for Prom came around, we were both dateless. Actually, I always assumed she was going with her on-and-off boyfriend. She kept asking me whom I was attending Prom with and I would always say, “I don’t know if I’m going or not.” After a while, she said she did not have a date. Nonetheless, I did not ask her. I was too afraid of rejection once more.

I did not attend Prom, and she ended up going dateless with some of her other dateless friends.

In retrospect, she was asking me to attend Prom with her. I should have asked.

The moral of the story is, if something is too good to be true, it sometimes still happens. Give it a shot. If you truly love something, keep trying until you succeed. I was stupid and let it slip through my fingers. Don’t let the same thing happen to you. Take advantage of your opportunities.