It’s funny how men think that we women are the emotional beings just because we cry, get hurt, and get easily offended. What most of them don’t realize is that their anger is also an emotion. While women cry and they are emotional for it, men get angry and they are also emotional for it. Some men can handle their anger issues better while others are easily angered. Most passionate men of God are also passionate in their anger.
If you’re married to a man who has anger issues, this article is for you. If your husband doesn’t have anger issues, this will still help you deal with other issues he may have. In fact, men who have anger issues have a better way of resolving their deep-seated problems. Since anger is an indicator of something deeper, the anger in itself exposes the problem.
According to Debi Pearl in her book, Created To Be His Help Meet, there are two kinds of anger: the anger that is just a reaction to something over some frustrations, and the anger that is rooted in bitterness. Each type of anger needs to be dealt with in different ways.
Just as it is very natural for us to get hurt over little things that our husbands may find very petty, it is also very natural for them to get angry over things that won’t even affect us. They can flare up over not finding their keys, and may even blame you for it. Or you may be talking to him about something and you caught him at the wrong time and gets mad at you for it.
I used to be very sensitive about this. I still am, sometimes, but I’ve improved a lot. I’ve come to realize that when my husband is angry over something it doesn’t mean that he is mad at me. I am learning more and more each time not to take things personally. One thing I have discovered though is that the enemy uses our husbands’ anger to make us feel resentful of them, thus dividing us so he, the devil, can conquer. When I see things from the spiritual realm, then I get stronger in overcoming the attack of the enemy.
So the next time your husband gets mad over something you may think is petty, take it with a grain of salt. It’s not about you.
The other type of anger though is deeper and should be dealt with in a more sensitive way. This type of anger blames everybody for his demise. It also expresses anger, hurt, and hatred towards certain groups of people, if not everybody else. If you have a husband who has this problem, the best way for you to deal with it is to let him express himself without you telling him that he is wrong. Then when his anger has subsided, you can gently point him to the truth. You have to take it very easy though as you may trigger some issues within him that will bring back his anger again. You have to be very careful too about fanning the flames of his anger. You may agree with him over his anger towards a family member that you don’t like as well, which will just make matters worse for him.
Present to him a bigger picture of things such as where the other person is coming from. Never do this though at the height of his anger. For instance, if he is mad at his brother, perhaps you can discuss with him the pressures that his brother is going through and what he probably feels towards him, your husband. Always point him back to Jesus… what Jesus said… what Jesus did. Encourage him by telling him that his anger is God’s way of exposing some things to him about himself and people. Let him know that it is alright to feel hurt (which they express through anger) because it gives way to healing.
If you are dealing with an angry husband, better learn how not to talk negatively against anyone. If you do, it will just stir him up and will hate the people that you keep talking against. I have made this mistake several times which is why I have learned my lesson, and sharing it with you.
Guard your heart… be gentle… be patient… be encouraging… bite your tongue… these are the things you should do when dealing with an angry husband. Above all, continue to pray for him… for his healing and deliverance, and also for his self-control which is the fruit of the spirit. The more your husband draws closer to Jesus and His Word, the more he will produce the fruits of the spirit. And you are in the best position to make this happen. Everything that your husband sees in you becomes an example for him to follow as well. Remember… you are not just his wife but you are his sister in the Lord. He is watching you and learning from you. When he sees you praying and reading your Word (without bragging about what you’re doing or making him feel less spiritual), it stirs him up to do the same. He may not admit it but he feels it. When you don’t let what other people say affect you, but instead, you pray for these people, he learns from your example. When you don’t talk evil against anyone, he learns from you too.
So you see the best way to deal with an angry man is to counter it with the opposite of anger: peace, gentleness, love, patience, and kindness. In doing this you not only help usher your husband’s healing and deliverance but you live God’s Word to the fullest.