There is a distinct difference between someone being a part of your Life and someone being your Life. When someone is a part of your life you are able to balance your individual life while sharing your own life. When someone is your life you’ve decided to neglect your individual Life and carjack someone else’s.
When we share our lives there is still the “I” in our relationships. The “I” is not the “Ego-I”; the “I” refers to the identity. We still have our identities; we do not lose who we are as individuals or “Lose ourselves” in the relationship. We are still grounded in our individual lives and are able to follow our passions while sharing the multiple aspects of our life.
When someone is your life, you have lost the “I” in the relationship; you lost who you were. When you’ve lost your identity in a relationship (You lose who you are) every choice, decision, thought, and action is geared towards your significant other. You live your life for your significant other and that is completely unhealthy. Some people believe that giving all of who they are is right. It is right; however, you’re not supposed to lose yourself in the process. People can still give all of who they are by opening up every aspect of their lives and allowing another individual to share the different aspects of his or her life. To share your life you must have a self-relationship (Preferably a positive self-relationship). Why? Your self-relationship is how you learn about yourself beneath the surface and really is what you’re sharing with another individual. If you have a negative self-relationship then it will reflect outwards when in a relationship with someone else. If you do not have a self-relationship beneath the surface then how can you share who you are with another individual?
Having no self-relationship is what leads individuals to constantly search for completeness within every relationship that they encounter. Individuals feel incomplete without having someone in his or her lives. This search never ends due to the perspective of individuals who are focused externally for an internal issue. When an individual turns inwards and realizes that he or she is complete within is when the shift from needing to sharing occurs; the shift from incompleteness to completeness occurs.
Someone Is A Part of Your Life
1. An Individual shares his or her individual Life
2. Individual Identity is Present
3. Happiness is within and is shared mutually
5. Complete within
Someone Being Your Life
1. An individual is your Life
2. No identity; you lost who you were or “Lost yourself” in the relationship
3. The illusion that the other individual can only make you happy
5. Incomplete without
I’ve observed that some people go into a relationship with a “Need” mindset and “Sharing” expectations. These are complete opposites. How are they opposites? Well, if you need someone or need something from someone then what are you sharing? Nothing, which may be one reason why some struggle in relationships.
Some of us tend to think that any needs that we have must be pursued outside of us; pursue the need from someone else. When in fact, we just need to turn inwards to develop our self-relationships and really get to know ourselves. For when we do re-connect with ourselves, we will realize that we have all we need within and when we get in a relationship we will be able to share ourselves. The time we have while being single aka lonely is how we get to know ourselves better. On the note of lonely, if you have a strong self-relationship then how are you lonely? When the focus is on the surface then one may feel lonely; however, when the focus is beneath the surface is when one doesn’t feel lonely.
What I find interesting is individuals who will get in a relationship with someone else just so they don’t feel lonely anymore. While in this “Special” relationship the individual still feels lonely. If before or during a relationship you still feel lonely then that feeling is coming from inside and it’s yearning for a relationship too.
According to Webster’s Dictionary, a “Need” is defined by a physiological or psychological requirement for the well-being of an organism. When I hear women say “I need a man/boyfriend/husband in my life to make me happy, feel special, etc”; they must actually need men to feel whole right? So by them stating that requirement, they are really saying that the essence of their life is and will be in the hands of the man whom she depends on for that necessity? Maybe I’m in “Left field”, but I thought that relationships are about sharing our lives instead of needing someone in our lives. I thought relationships are about sharing our complete lives with someone instead of needing someone to complete our lives.
In order to exist, I need myself because without me I am nothing; I do not exist. So for someone to think he or she “Needs” someone is to say he or she is nothing; he or she does not exist without having someone in his or her life to complete that “Need”. So I ask you, what do you need from a man or woman?
What do you want to share with a man or woman?